taking action

We cannot save our children.
They must want to save themselves.
We can love them unconditionally
while they develop that desire.

Often, as parents, we experience a tremendous amount of shame when our child develops an eating disorder. We must face and work through (or in spite of) our shame. These illnesses come with a tremendous amount of stigma that is neither deserved nor helpful. We must not keep our child's eating disorder a secret. The illness will demand that of us, but this is a demand we must refuse. Gently, we need to inform our child that we will speak openly with others, without shame, about their illness so that we are not isolated from the support and resources that others can offer. If the diagnosis were cancer, would we remain silent? Would we wait for our child to want treatment? Would we allow them to hit bottom before we took action?
Read more...

we wish...

As parents, what do we wish we had known or had done for Andrea?
Read more...

insights

Andrea died before we gained many of the insights contained in this web site, a mere 13 months after the first time she made herself throw up. We are completely aware that even if we had known then what we know now, the outcome may still have been the same. Life is truly a mystery.

Given that, we have met far too many past-sufferers who have shared with us their stories of complete recovery to doubt that your child can heal. Although there is always room for improvement, treatment protocols are better than they were during Andrea's illness. We pray that our family's journey through pain, growth, learning, and enlightenment will help you become better informed and aware of the very real healing possibilities for your child ... for your entire family. It is possible to survive and thrive through the challenges of an eating disorder!

Look carefully
Judge kindly
Read under and between lines
The Journey is never so clear as the Destination
And the telling is more confusing still.

--Andrea Smeltzer, 19 (the last stanza in an 8 stanza poem)

May God bless you and guide you.